To Dani

Hello Everyone!! I know it has been a while, but recovering from surgery has been a tough road and I do not mean physically.

The surgery went very well! They did find a small 1.5 cm mass remaining and that was removed so I am very glad that I decided to go forward with surgery.

Now I am going to rewind time for a minute before I keep going. When I was first diagnosed there was an outpouring of gifts that I truly thank everyone for, but I received a bracelet that really stuck with me. The bracelet was simple, but powerful as it had the words "GOD HAS A PLAN" stamped into in. That has been my motto since the very beginning of this journey and it was such a fitting gift. When times get hard I look at that bracelet and remember that this is not all for nothing and God is still by my side.

Ok back to today! After surgery I also learned that there had been cancer detected in one out of the three lymph nodes that were dissected and biopsied. Due to this radiation was suggested. Now I know this is another life saving measure, but in my head it was another piece of my life that would be taken everyday for 6 weeks. I also learned that I would still have to continue my maintenance treatment indefinitely. This was crushing to hear. I was so sure that since the cancer had shrunk to such a small size and was now completely removed, that I would be on maintenance for some time longer and then be released from that part of my treatment. I was also reminded that I am not doing hormone therapy to block the hormones that feed the tumors either, which is something I decided some time ago that I was not going to do.

All of these things together sent me into a downward spiral of negative emotions and feelings. For the first time since this all started I thought "why me". I was questioning everything I previously believed. I started having negative thoughts about my self image and worrying how this will all turn out once I have my final surgery. I still have one drain in from surgery and I am restricted from lifting anything over 5 lbs and my activity should be minimal. All the while, I am off of work and given more time with my idle brain. This "plan" was quickly starting to become a thing of the past for me.

Then I was on Instagram one day, just killing time like I had been everyday, and I see Pastor Steven Furtick preach about God fighting for you. Due to this, I decide that I should attend church Sunday. When I attend church it happens to be on my couch watching Elevation Church on YouTube. It was great timing because there was a guest speaker by the name of Lisa Harper. I have heard her speak before and I was in love with her story so I was so happy to hear more from her. She spoke about the book of Job, which boils down to a man of high Faith and devotion having everything taken from him and his continued dedication to the Lord. She herself has an amazing testimony on her resilience during some very hard times. This was rejuvenating and I went back to my bracelet and remembered that God does have a plan. Although it is a little tougher to see it right now, I know it is there.

I want to remind everyone that there are always hard times. I have been positive through most of this journey, but please do not think that I have not had my negative thoughts and days. What matters is coming out of those thoughts in healthy ways. We all have times in which we think that nothing is going to get better, we are stuck in an endless rut, or God has forgotten about us. In these times, re-ground yourself and remember what you have been through and that you got out. A bad season does not mean a bad life. We have the capability of turning those things around.

Also on this note, let's stop using "It could be worse" when people are already down. I know sometimes I am a culprit of this and it's a common phrase that we tend to use, but it becomes destructive to that person. Of course things can always be worse, but that does not mean we invalidate someones feelings because it is not worse. If that is the case, anytime someone complained to me about anything, I would say well at least you don't have cancer. Completely ridiculous right! Lets embrace each other in times of stress and weakness and make sure we ignite the strength in others.

To wrap up, I want to thank Dani Bright for her amazing gift that has held me along this journey. Although it is only a bracelet, it has been a beacon for my continued relationship with God and will help me persist in making sure my testimony is known.

Love you all!