Updates!

Hello friends, I know it has been quite some time since I have sent an update. The last 9 months have been a whirlwind and I needed to process and learn to manage everything that we were dealing with. This will be long so buckle up for the ride!

In October of last year I felt a small lump on my neck near my collar bone. Initially I didn’t immediately think of the worst, but I did mention it to my doctor next time I went in. We decided to monitor it for growth as we knew that we would not be able to start any treatments while I was pregnant if it was indeed a recurrence. Fast forward to late November and I began getting migraines that were unlike any that I had in the past. It was then that I began getting scared. My immediate thought was that the cancer had spread to the brain, and I needed to know if that was the case. I had a biopsy of the lump in the neck done and it was positive. We were told that we would need to deliver as soon as possible so we could get me in treatment as soon as possible. Calling our family to let them know that not only did I have a recurrence, but I would need to delivery early was heartbreaking. We didn’t know where it had spread so I went to see a maternal fetal medicine doctor for their opinion. She determined that the best course would be for me to deliver at 34 weeks as we were only a couple of weeks away at that point. I wasn’t ready. I thought I still had so much time left to prepare. We hadn’t yet had a shower and still needed to prepare for his arrival. We kicked it into gear and with the help of family and friends, got what we needed to prepare for delivery and immediate needs for when he was able to come home.

Wednesday January 12^th, 2022 my baby boy was delivered at just under six pounds and he was perfect. Unfortunately, Jim and I both had Covid so we were only able to hold him for a couple of minutes after delivery and then he was whisked off to the NICU. Due to quarantine rules, we had to wait until Saturday to go and see him. He needed some help learning how to feed so he needed a feeding tube during his stay. We are lucky he was only there for two weeks as we expected it to be longer. I am so thankful that it wasn’t as the pain I felt leaving him each time was almost unbearable. During this time I was travelling back and forth as I started to get the necessary scans to determine where the cancer had spread. Trying to balance time with Harrison, my husband, and myself was difficult. I remember being in the room, holding him and thinking, what if I don’t get to see his first birthday. It sent me into a crying fit that I had never before experienced. A friend of mine passed away in December after she had survived cancer in childhood. She was diagnosed with a new type and it took her within months. I just kept thinking how this could be me and my baby would grow up without his mother. How could this miracle happen just for me succumb to this disease? I was so worried, but knew I needed to try to get myself into a better headspace in order to take care of my baby.

After the scan results came in, we discovered that it had come back in the right breast, liver, lymph node, spine, and collar bone. Now I know you might think that this was hard for me to hear, but it wasn’t. I was glad that it wasn’t in the brain and that the places where it did show were small. I was hopeful that the new treatment that they would start me on would be enough to get rid of them. I started a treatment that is fairly new but had very good outcomes in studies that have been conducted. My first few treatments went well, and I had little side effects, so I thought I was in for an easy ride. After my third treatment I was exhausted. I came home and I was ok for about an hour and then I could barely keep my eyes open. I went to bed around 5 and didn’t wake up until the morning. This continued on my next few treatments. Along with the fatigue, the nausea started getting worse and lasting longer. I had a scan to check progress and it showed that there were no longer visible lesions in the breast, liver, and spine. This was great news because at least I knew that it was working. Subsequent treatments continued to get worse and effect my day to day living. Side effects were lasting about 10 days and treatment was every 21 days so it left little time for me to actually feel good. I could feel myself going down. My mental health and physical health were starting to be affected because I had no energy or I felt too nauseous to do anything. In my mind there was no way that I could be on this treatment for the rest of my life. Quality of life is really important in my eyes and I knew that I couldn’t do this forever and that was the current plan. After talking with my doctor, it was decided that we would have another scan to see if everything was still stable and if it was, I could go back to the treatment I was on prior to pregnancy. I had no side effects on this treatment, so this was ideal. My scan was completed and everything was still stable. There was no new growth and the remaining spots were slightly smaller. I started a new treatment and luckily everything was just as it was in the past and I had no side effects.

That brings me to now! This is a very condensed version of my life over the past year, but I felt that I needed to let everyone know what was going on. I know I have many prayer warriors, friends, family, and strangers that care about me and my family. Special thanks to my family and friends for always being there to support me no matter what. Also to our amazing community who donated money, food, and time to Jim and I. The CMS family really came through and showed us so much love and support! Finally, a huge thank you to my husband who has stood by me through everything. He truly has been my rock through all of this. He’s the person that I can ugly cry to and he makes me feel like everything will be alright. I couldn’t ask for anyone better. Although I have a lot to work on physically and mentally to feel myself again, I am in a good place. I know that it is only up from here!