The Angel Who Carried Me

A little over a year ago I started this new journey with My Angel and I did not know where it would take me. I did not know if all of the statistics I heard were going to be true. I did not know how I was going to handle chemotherapy, losing my hair, and learning to ask for and accept help. 

What I did know is that I was not going to let it take over my life. Do not get me wrong, I still had times of frustration, sadness, and anger. What changed during this time is that I did not dwell in those moments.

Two years ago at this time I was depressed and in a state of permanent sadness. I slowly saw myself disappear from the mirror in front of me and what remained was a shell. This shell walked, talked, and pretended to smile. This was when I knew I needed help. I knew I needed to come back and be the person that I was before. Fast forward one year and I find out I have breast cancer and in a strange way, I felt that going through depression helped me get prepared for what I was about to go through. Strangely, I cannot remember a time where I have spent more days laughing, smiling, and truly being happy than I have this past year. 

Some may have found it strange that I would call such a horrible thing My Angel, but it truly was something that changed my life in a way that nothing else ever has. I found my smile again and if you have ever lost it, you know how important it is to find again. 

Last week I went into my CT scan with hope and faith because I have always known God was by my side this entire time. I know that this has a purpose in my life and it is a true testimony of his grace. After one year of endless appointments, laughter, chemotherapy, tears, scans, and smiles I am happy to say that there was not any visible disease remaining in my liver or my breast!! This news overwhelmed me with a type of happiness that was crippling. I felt truly blessed that I was grateful enough to hear this news as many do not. I do not know what my future will hold, but I do know that I have a purpose. I know God is not done with me yet and for that I am grateful and excited to see where My Angel will carry me. 

So what's next... My surgery is scheduled for June 12th and I am excited, terrified, nervous, and thankful. When I became overwhelmed with surgical details and choices yesterday, some friends reminded me that a year ago surgery was not an option for me. With my Stage IV diagnosis, surgery fell off the table as an option. Today I have a surgery date and that is truly a miracle and I am glad that in my time of being overwhelmed and anxious I had people to remind me of where this all was one year ago.

I could go on and on about how thankful I am and what this has meant to me, but I will spare your ear for now! Thanks again for being here with me, whether it was in person or in spirit. Every prayer helped! 

All my love,

Starr