The Adventures of "The Purse"
It has been entirely way too long since I have made a post so get ready for a wild ride!
As you know the surgery in June 2019 went very well. I had an expander put in so we could properly reconstruct the girls to be even. I was doing very well until the end of my radiation treatment. My burns began to get worse and when I say it was the worst pain I have ever felt, I am not exaggerating. In the beginning they tell you that you may get burns that would be similar to a sunburn. Keep in mind that my experiences with sunburn has been minimal (thank the Lordt for melanin). I have friends that have had some bad burns so I figured, what's the worst that could happen. Oh would I eat those words.
After radiation, my burns continued to worsen as I used the creams and took so much Ibuprofen that I should no longer have a functioning liver or maybe have a stomach ulcer. Meanwhile I am getting, "This looks normal" from my doctor. What do I know, I've never been sunburned or radiated, so I took his word. Eventually I start to develop necrosis on my surgical breast (don't worry I'll put a glossary at the end). In the beginning of December I made an appointment to show my surgeon and I got the news that I dreaded, it couldn't be saved. This meant that I had to have another surgery to remove the necrotic skin and tissue and then later, move on to a flap reconstruction. I got lucky enough to have surgery on December 24th! This came with hands down the BEST accessory a girl could ever ask for, THE PURSE. The purse, also known as a wound vac, is a medical machine that is used when there is an open would that needs to heal. It is carried in a black bag with a strap that can be worn on your side or for the adventurous, as a crossbody!
My surgery consisted of removing the skin and tissue, then removing the expander and applying the wound vac. This basically left a hole on my chest where I was very used to looking at something similar to a breast. When I saw it, I was crushed. I felt like one of the womanly parts of my body was gone and it made me feel less than. I developed self esteem issues worse than I have ever had. I gained a lot of weight after my first surgery and continued during these hard times. Looking in the mirror became a dreadful thing instead of something I used to look forward too. The purse is something I must wear at all times and for the first couple of weeks going outside was for necessities only. Not because it was required, but I was that self conscience about it. I felt like I was being stared at because I had no breast and visible tubes you could see connected to me. Even though not all eyes were on me, I was convinced that they were. I thought this would be short lived and that kept me going once I got back to work. When I learned that I would have to wear this thing for another two months, I was shattered. I was in a mental state of mind that could not get pass the embarrassment and shame of my purse and my body. In comes my support system who has kept me going since the day I was diagnosed!
My friends, coworkers, and family all stepped in to make me feel better and continue to show me the big picture. I just beat Stage IV breast cancer, this is only temporary and cosmetic. I can get through it. Without these people in my life, my positive attitude, and will to keep going would non-existent. Special shout out to my boyfriend Jim who saw the ups and downs of this daily and still stood by my side. I was so scared because I read so many posts of women who were diagnosed and then their spouses left them. He isn't even my husband, why would he want to stay through all of this fear, devastation, and procedure after procedure. James was put on this Earth by God for me and I for him. On February 12th, 2019 he asked me to marry him! I'M A FIANCEE Y'ALL!!! Of course this was a complete surprise and he put so much thought into the proposal and picking out the ring. He's my rock that gets to hear AND see the good, the bad, the ugly and still wants it all. He's my Prince!
I had a CT scan scheduled this past Thursday and for some reason I was way more nervous than usual. I asked my family to say a prayer because I was a ball of nerves. I have been very tired lately and I was thinking the worst. Well, peace and faith prevailed and my scan is still clear! I am still NED and couldn't be happier with those results. I have a Latissimus Dorsi Flap reconstruction surgery coming up on March 10th, with a 4-6 week recovery. I am ready to continue this process and get back to being my complete, normal self! I had the opportunity to attend the Black History Month Gala last night and felt the best that I have since my June surgery! It was an amazing feeling!
Thanks for listening to my wave of emotions! Don't forget to get your checkups! Take care of your mental and physical health! Love you all!
Expander - inflatable breast implant designed to stretch the skin and muscle to make room for a future, more permanent implant
Lordt - The Lord Jesus Christ
Necrosis - The death of most or all of the cells in an organ or tissue due to disease, injury, or failure of the blood supply.
Flap Reconstruction - A tissue flap procedure is one way to rebuild the shape of your breast after surgery to remove the cancer.
Wound Vac - A wound vacuum is device removes the pressure over the area of the wound. It can gently pull fluid from the wound and reduce swelling to clean the wound and remove bacteria.
NED - No Evidence of Disease (Because the doctors don't want to say cancer free)
Latissimus Dorsi Flap - In a latissimus dorsi flap procedure, an oval flap of skin, fat, muscle, and blood vessels from your upper back is used to reconstruct the breast. This flap is moved under your skin around to your chest to rebuild your breast.
As you know the surgery in June 2019 went very well. I had an expander put in so we could properly reconstruct the girls to be even. I was doing very well until the end of my radiation treatment. My burns began to get worse and when I say it was the worst pain I have ever felt, I am not exaggerating. In the beginning they tell you that you may get burns that would be similar to a sunburn. Keep in mind that my experiences with sunburn has been minimal (thank the Lordt for melanin). I have friends that have had some bad burns so I figured, what's the worst that could happen. Oh would I eat those words.
After radiation, my burns continued to worsen as I used the creams and took so much Ibuprofen that I should no longer have a functioning liver or maybe have a stomach ulcer. Meanwhile I am getting, "This looks normal" from my doctor. What do I know, I've never been sunburned or radiated, so I took his word. Eventually I start to develop necrosis on my surgical breast (don't worry I'll put a glossary at the end). In the beginning of December I made an appointment to show my surgeon and I got the news that I dreaded, it couldn't be saved. This meant that I had to have another surgery to remove the necrotic skin and tissue and then later, move on to a flap reconstruction. I got lucky enough to have surgery on December 24th! This came with hands down the BEST accessory a girl could ever ask for, THE PURSE. The purse, also known as a wound vac, is a medical machine that is used when there is an open would that needs to heal. It is carried in a black bag with a strap that can be worn on your side or for the adventurous, as a crossbody!
My surgery consisted of removing the skin and tissue, then removing the expander and applying the wound vac. This basically left a hole on my chest where I was very used to looking at something similar to a breast. When I saw it, I was crushed. I felt like one of the womanly parts of my body was gone and it made me feel less than. I developed self esteem issues worse than I have ever had. I gained a lot of weight after my first surgery and continued during these hard times. Looking in the mirror became a dreadful thing instead of something I used to look forward too. The purse is something I must wear at all times and for the first couple of weeks going outside was for necessities only. Not because it was required, but I was that self conscience about it. I felt like I was being stared at because I had no breast and visible tubes you could see connected to me. Even though not all eyes were on me, I was convinced that they were. I thought this would be short lived and that kept me going once I got back to work. When I learned that I would have to wear this thing for another two months, I was shattered. I was in a mental state of mind that could not get pass the embarrassment and shame of my purse and my body. In comes my support system who has kept me going since the day I was diagnosed!
My friends, coworkers, and family all stepped in to make me feel better and continue to show me the big picture. I just beat Stage IV breast cancer, this is only temporary and cosmetic. I can get through it. Without these people in my life, my positive attitude, and will to keep going would non-existent. Special shout out to my boyfriend Jim who saw the ups and downs of this daily and still stood by my side. I was so scared because I read so many posts of women who were diagnosed and then their spouses left them. He isn't even my husband, why would he want to stay through all of this fear, devastation, and procedure after procedure. James was put on this Earth by God for me and I for him. On February 12th, 2019 he asked me to marry him! I'M A FIANCEE Y'ALL!!! Of course this was a complete surprise and he put so much thought into the proposal and picking out the ring. He's my rock that gets to hear AND see the good, the bad, the ugly and still wants it all. He's my Prince!
I had a CT scan scheduled this past Thursday and for some reason I was way more nervous than usual. I asked my family to say a prayer because I was a ball of nerves. I have been very tired lately and I was thinking the worst. Well, peace and faith prevailed and my scan is still clear! I am still NED and couldn't be happier with those results. I have a Latissimus Dorsi Flap reconstruction surgery coming up on March 10th, with a 4-6 week recovery. I am ready to continue this process and get back to being my complete, normal self! I had the opportunity to attend the Black History Month Gala last night and felt the best that I have since my June surgery! It was an amazing feeling!
Thanks for listening to my wave of emotions! Don't forget to get your checkups! Take care of your mental and physical health! Love you all!
Expander - inflatable breast implant designed to stretch the skin and muscle to make room for a future, more permanent implant
Lordt - The Lord Jesus Christ
Necrosis - The death of most or all of the cells in an organ or tissue due to disease, injury, or failure of the blood supply.
Flap Reconstruction - A tissue flap procedure is one way to rebuild the shape of your breast after surgery to remove the cancer.
Wound Vac - A wound vacuum is device removes the pressure over the area of the wound. It can gently pull fluid from the wound and reduce swelling to clean the wound and remove bacteria.
NED - No Evidence of Disease (Because the doctors don't want to say cancer free)
Latissimus Dorsi Flap - In a latissimus dorsi flap procedure, an oval flap of skin, fat, muscle, and blood vessels from your upper back is used to reconstruct the breast. This flap is moved under your skin around to your chest to rebuild your breast.
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