My Love

Today is the day of my second cycle and I am currently sitting in my bed reflecting on the last week. I went to UW Breast clinic with hopes of some information that would let me know there was some other treatment out there for my liver. I didn't get the information I wanted, but got the reassurance that what I am currently doing is the way to go at this time. That was very good to here.

I had what I thought was a great idea to wash and straighten my hair for one last time before I started my second treatment, they say that it starts to fall out after treatment 2 or 3. As my hair was being washed I saw more and more of it on the floor. It was coming out and I knew that my once long beautiful hair was now lifeless and thin before I even looked in the mirror. Sadness and fear washed over me. I had not prepared to lose my hair as of yet. I had looked at wigs here and there, but didn't purchase one because I thought I had time. The thought of not having hair made me overwhelmingly sad. I have been growing out my natural hair for about 3 years and I loved it, I worked hard for it. I felt like something was stolen from me. The following days I was in a slump. It was hard for me to take my mind off of losing my hair. The bald spots were there every time I looked in the mirror and when I touched my hair clumps came out. I bought a temporary wig and wore that for a few days and felt better, but the thought of my hair was still on my mind. It was time to shave it! Leading up to the shave I was nervous! What will my head be shaped like? Will I still have my confidence? Will others find me attractive? Those questions and more ran through my brain. I went to my sisters while my family and a few friends were there and told them it was time to shave it. We sat around for a while and then did it!

How do I feel? FANTASTIC! Watching my hair fall out was agonizing. Not knowing what to put on it or whether or not I had enough hair for the wig to stay made me anxious. Now that I have shaved it, I feel 1000% better. I can't lie, I did watch Black Panther after for some empowerment : ). I still feel beautiful and empowered. This is a part of the winning battle. I woke up this morning, did a HIIT workout and got ready to go! I washed this sweaty bald head of mine in the shower and walked out of the door!

I truly cannot thank everyone enough who has commented, texted, or called me. It's that much more reassuring.

Love you all!!