One Week

Hello everyone! It has been a week since I had my first treatment and I'm going to provide a cliff note version of how this has been.

Treatment Day! - I woke up ready to fight, positive, and glad the day had finally come. I had a doctors appointment right before, where I learned that because I have liver babies from My Angel, they would no longer do surgery. Why you ask? Surgery is for Stage I, II, and III cancer diagnosis to prevent it from spreading to other parts of the body. "You have Stage IV disease and there is no cure for that" is what I heard that day. I tried to keep my positivity while choking back tears. There was a continuance of information regarding chemotherapy being indefinite and only chance of mastectomy would be if the liver clears up and that is VERY rare. There is also nothing that can be done for the liver, such as surgery. Treatment can work for 2 years, 3 years... In my head I hear "you're probably going to die". All of this is being told to me minutes before I go back and start treatment. As you all know I have been trying to keep a very positive mindset about all of this because I know the consequence of falling in the negative so I listened to the information and proceeded with my treatment.

Treatment wasn't terrible! You get a heated chair and a little nook that is as private as it can be in a setting where they need to be monitoring you constantly. The benadryl had me sleeping pretty quickly and kept me out for about four hours. I woke up to my best friend and that was fantastic. More friends and family stopped by, doing rotations as I can only have two back at a time. All in all treatment was pretty easy.

The following days! - The first couple of days I still felt tired and if you are going to have any symptoms they usually do not hit until day three when the steroids, nausea meds, and benedryl completely wear off. Headaches then set in, which had me very dizzy and nauseous. Tried OTC meds and nothing worked. Missing work was terrible. Not because of any fear that there would be any consequence, but because these people have become my norm, my other family that I talk to 5 days a week. The boredom was awful, the insomnia from napping during the day was awful, and my new no sugar diet was awful.

Thursday - I had a breakdown this day. I woke up with another headache and some other side effects that you don't want to know about : ). I couldn't just do nothing that day. I had some great conversations with family and friends the day before and decided to go to University of Wisconsin for a second opinion. They do fantastic work and have research backgrounds that make me want to go back to school!. So today I started that process. Why did this make me break down? I felt like it might start me over. What if something new comes up? What if they want to do a different treatment? What if they say the exact same thing that I have already been told? So many what ifs ran through my brain and I became overwhelmed. I cried to my sister and explained what I was feeling with an ending of I want to eat pizza, I want the sauce, and the cheese and all the carbs! And you know what I had that pizza because I deserve it lol. In all seriousness, this is to let you guys know that positivity doesn't run through my veins every moment of every day. Although my Faith doesn't break, I have moments of overwhelming anxiety and breakdowns at times. I have learned that it is ok to breakdown, but it is not ok to stay there. Always pick yourself back up. Happy to say that yesterday I felt fantastic and I do again today. Making everyday that I feel great a day to remember! Thanks for all the support, prayers, gifts, and just general words of positivity!

"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose"
                                                                      - Lyndon B. Johnson